Dealing with Loss~
by Rain Taravez
Summary: Quatres's died... How will the others deal with this loss? Duo's POV, Trowas POV, Quatres POV. Please read. (This is one of my earliar works).
1. Dealing with Loss~

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Dealing With Loss 

Hey minna-san! I wrote this Fic after reading a lot of deathfics, plus I got really bored in class. Ok warnings this is Yaoi. R&R please!

Legal Crap: I do not own GW, stupid ass cricket you said if I wished on a star-… ok I'll get on with the fic.

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"Quatre" screamed Duo "Noooooo!"

Quatre had gone to stop the new MS's by himself, we were to late.

"Quatre" whispered Trowa, who sounded devastated.

"Injustice" muttered Wufei who was barley audible.

"Nooooooo!" screamed Duo again, as Trowa lifted the blonde Arabian, their dead friend, out of Sandrock.

~*~

Duo bolted up in his bed. Quatre had died 2 weeks earlier, he kept having nightmares of the incident, he could still remember everything vividly, and he still felt the raw pain. He had lost one of is Best Friends. 

"Quatre" Duo moaned

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How could this of happened? I told him to wait for us!

He pulled a gun out of his dresser. _This gun had killed so many people can it really kill just one more? Can he really kill myself_ Duo asked himself, as he raised his gun to his temple. _Can I do this for you Quatre? Would you want me too? No? You'd say it wasn't my fault, it was yours, right? You'd blame yourself, like you always do. Dammit!_ Thought duo angrily. 

"I need a drink" Duo muttered

He was surprised when he heard a rustling in the kitchen, he walked in. Trowa. Trowa had turned away, but not before Duo could see the tear streaked face.

"Trowa" Duo said gently, touching his shoulder. Trowa was trembling. Duo wrapped his arms around him.

"Trowa we all miss so much" soothed Duo.

"I never told him" whispered between heart wrenching sobs.

"He knew Trowa" duo replied, knowing perfectly well what Trowa was talking about. He never got to tell Quatre he loved him. Trowa took it the hardest out of all four of us, Duo thought sadly. 

When Duo had clamed Trowa Down enough, he brought him up to his room, and waited till he fell asleep.

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I can't stand it! Duo thought wildly _I was Quatre' s best Friend why didn't he listen? I told him not to go by himself! _

Duo sat there and sobbed gently

~*~

"Duo" nudged Heero, who had found the pilot of Deathsycthe asleep slouched over the coffee table.

"Baka, get up!" said Heero rather loudly.

"Nani?" groaned duo, looking around.

"Damn!" he said finally realizing where he was. _Did I really fall asleep here?_

"What are you doing here?" asked the Perfect Solider irritably.

"Yeah ohayo to you too! I was…umm…looking for…ITE!" Winced Duo as Heero kicked him.

"Forget it" Heero, said simply.

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Do I really deserve this? Thought Duo

Not even a minute after Heero left Trowa walked in.

"Hi" Duo said as cheerily as possible, he failed miserably.

"Come with me for a walk later" said Trowa before walking out of the room.

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Why? Wondered the braided pilot.

~*~

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10 pm

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Well I guess Trowa forgot about the walk thought the usually cheerful pilot.

"Duo are you ready?" Asked Trowa, who had scared the hell out of Shinigami.

"Yeah I'm ready" replied Duo through clenched teeth. _Note to self: When planning something with Trowa, and you figure it's cancelled, do not let your guard down!_

"Where are we going?" asked the curious pilot.

"I dunno" replied the silent clown.

~*~

"Man, we've been walking for an hour!" Whined Duo

"It's been 20 minutes" Said Trowa.

"Yeah well- Whoa!" _Ok, we're in a cemetery now, where are we going? I know where…_ a little voice nagged him in the back of his head.

They both soon stopped at a fairly new grave, which read:

_Quatre Reberba Winner_

May your angelic smile 

Always be in your heart

Suddenly it all hit him, all the pain and anguish from the past and present, why he had survived everything, while all the ones he loved hadn't. _Yes I'm going to do it, I'm going to carry it all the way through. Trowa and me took it the hardest._

He pulled the gun out of his jacket. Trowa looked surprised for a moment and finally understood. He pulled out his own gun.

"A part of me wants to stay" Trowa said softly, looking at the stars.

"A part of us will always stay" Duo said.

Trowa nodded.

Duo felt the cold soulless machine touch his temple, his hand slightly shook as he brought another merciless gun level to Trowa's temple.

"Yurushite Kureru Quatre, honto ni Ai Shiteru" murmured Trowa, as a silent tear slid down his cheek.

"Boy's Don't Cry" Duo said gently, wiping the tear off of Trowa's cheek.

A Tiny smile tugged at Trowa's lips. "Boy's Don't Cry"

They both closed their eyes as their fingers tugged on the trigger. Two unforgivable shots sounded through the night sky.

~owari~

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What do you think peeps? Should I do a sequel on how the 2 remaining pilots feel, or maybe from Trowa POV, or perhaps Quatre watching this all, his POV? R&R please!


	2. Death, Pain, and Anguish

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Death, Pain and Anguish

Hey minna-san! This is the sequel to "Dealing with Loss~". This is From Quatre's POV. Warning this Yaoi!

Legal Crap: I still don't own GW…stupid cricket I still haven't forgave you…

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I don't know why I did it. I just didn't want my friends to fight and suffer anymore. One thing I wouldn't be able to stand would be for one of them to die, especially my angel Trowa.

I winced at the sight of his friends and family crying for him. His funeral…

"Duo!?!" I said. Duo had collapsed. He watched as Heero picked him and walked away. 

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Gomen nashi, I couldn't bear to lose another person I cared about so much. Shitmatte! Was I being selfish? My friends are dealing with pain I inflicted upon them.

Soon after everyone had left I sat there. Staring at the headstone, no, his headstone. It felt unreal. His headstone, which bore my name, read:

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Quatre Reberba Winner

May your angelic smile

Always be in your heart

It still felt too unreal…

~*~

"Duo" I moaned "please don't…"

I watched his former ally bring the gun to his temple.

Suddenly I clutched his chest. My Uuchu no Kokono still worked…

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Can I do this for you Quatre? Would you want me to? No? You'd say it wasn't my fault it was yours, right? You'd blame yourself like you always do. Dammit! Duo's thought came clearly to him.

I watched sadly as Duo got up and walked out the room.

Just as I was about to follow, a picture on Duo's dresser caught his eye. It was a picture of all the pilots, on a mountain Duo and him had insisted on making them all climb.

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What beautiful scenery… It saddened me that I would never be able to have fun with my friends like that again.

In the picture, Wufei had decided on sitting on a rock with Heero standing behind him. They had both managed smiles. Duo had his arm draped around Heero's shoulders with a cheeky grin on his face. Trowa had stood next to me with his arm around my waist, he was smiling! I loved it when he smiled. I was standing there looking flustered from running to and back from the camera to set it up. 

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I also may have looked like that because of Trowa's arm around my waist. 

When I went down to find the braided pilot. I walked into a scene between Trowa and Duo. Trowa was crying.

"He knew Trowa" Duo said.

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Who knew what? I thought a bit confused.

It hurt me deeply to see my love crying like that, it had surprised me to walk in with Duo's arms around Trowa, soothing him. How I longed to sooth him.

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Oh, Trowa I'm so sorry, gomen nashi.

I walked with Duo up to Trowa's room , and watched as Duo talked to Trowa until he had fallen asleep. Soon after duo left. I watched Trowa sleep his chest softly rising and falling, I bent down and kissed his lips. I finally let a tear fall as my angel smiled.

~*~

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Duo, are your nightmares now cause because of me? I asked the sleeping figure, slouched over the coffee table, he was tossing and turning, not to mention thrashing out. 

I leaned down and whispered in Duo's ear "Please don't hurt because of my death."

The moment I spoke Duo continued sleeping peacefully. 

~*~

"Come with me for a walk later" Trowa's voice awakened me from my sleep. I yawned.

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I didn't know you still had to sleep when you were dead. Quatre winced at the thought.

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I had been sitting here all day watching the pilots, his friends.

Wufei sat and mediated all day, every once and a while a look of pain crossed his face.

Heero was on his laptop writing the mission report finally. I flinched when I seen the sentence 'Pilot 04 died in battle'. Heero did too.

Duo was writing in his journal but soon gave up by swearing and going to take a nap. When I looked at his journal, I understood why he had given up, all the writing from the last few weeks were splattered with tears and the writing was undecipherable. 

Trowa I guess was trying to read a book, but his eyes never moved and he never turned the page.

After awhile Duo woke up.

I watched Duo as he pulled the same cold gun out of his dresser an put it in his jacket.

"What are you going to do with that?" I asked frantically 

Duo did nothing he just sat there, the gun untouched in his jacket .

About 5 minutes after the clock announced 10 pm, Trowa walked in on us, or rather Duo.

"Duo are you ready?" inquired Trowa to Duo. It appeared he'd scared Duo.

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The great Shinigami got scared… I smiled at the thought

"Hey wait!" I yelled, after Duo and Trowa who had already left.

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That was useless they can't hear me.

When I had caught up with Duo and his Angel. I replayed the events since his death in his mind.

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I died fighting Mobile Suits, They had my funeral, the pilots, my faithful friends, grieve over me, now this walk…

"-Whoa!" came Duo's outburst.

That jolted me out of my thoughts.

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Where are we? I gasped as realization bit me, we were at the same place we held my funeral.

My funeral replayed rapidly in my mind.

"Duo!?!" I exclaimed.

The 'untouched gun' that was in Duo's jacket, now appeared in his hand.

They were talking, Duo and Trowa, but the words were blocked out by horrific images racing though his mind.

I watched in horror as Duo brought a gun to my loves head and Trowa did the exact same thing to duo.

I came out of it when I heard my name.

"Yurushite Kureru Quatre, Honto ni Ai Shiteru." murmured Trowa

"Noooooo! Don't Trowa, Duo please don't!" I said frantically. I knew it was useless…

You can't! I died so you wouldn't have too!!

The last word out both Duo's and Trowa's mouths were the same words Duo had always spoken when he thought it was the end. But right now they were filled with more emotion because they both knew this was the end for certain.

"Boy's Don't Cry"

"Boy's Don't Cry"

I let out a wail of anguish as two shots broke the night silence.

~owari~

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Hi! I'm finally done! How'd you like it? Please R&R it! Oh yeah should I do a prequel? From Heero's POV, or from Trowa's? Shall I do an _epilogue? R&R people!_


	3. Little One

Little One  
  
  
  
Hey people! Sorry this took so long! This is the sister fic to 'Dealing With Loss~' and "Pain, Death and Anguish'. This is from Trowa's POV. Ok Warnings this is Yaoi. R&R please!  
  
Legal Crap: No I don't Own Gundam Wing, but I will someday and then I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!   
  
  
I watched as the Gundam blew up, with Quatre, my Quatre in it.  
  
"Quatre..." I whispered involuntarily.   
  
I realized that the other pilots could probably hear me. I shut off all communications. I looked again at the devastated Sandrock.   
  
I leaped out of Heavyarms, and ran to the machine that had cost Quatre his life, although that fact was still unconfirmed.  
  
I jumped at the cockpit door and tore it open. I loved down at my love; his beautiful blonde hair was now stained pink with blood. I let out a low moan when I saw the peaceful expression on his face.  
  
I picked him put tenderly and carried him out of the mangled remains of Sandrock. I heard Duo scream.  
  
  
I looked at the headstone, perfect for Quatre...  
  
Quatre Reberba Winner  
May your angelic smile  
Always be in your heart  
  
Just perfect...  
  
  
I sat on the balcony silently.  
  
I stared at the whit orb in the sky. An orb I fought on. The moon looked peaceful but I knew it always hadn't been that way.   
  
I winced as I thought about Quatre; he was the one who had helped me regain my memory back.  
  
I touched my face it was wet. It wasn't raining, and I don't remember cutting myself. I looked down at my hand and licked one of the fingers tensely, salty. They're tears I realized, I was crying.  
  
I only remember crying twice before hand my life. The first time, was when I had trusted Midii Une with all my heart and she betrayed me, I foolishly believed I loved her. The second time had been when I had been forced to destroy Deathsycthe; I had the same then reaction then as I'm having now to the tears.   
  
I need water maybe that will calm be down.  
  
I walked in to the kitchen, sobbing harder now. I stumbled and luckily landed in one of the chairs that surround the table. So much for my perfect balance I thought almost bitterly. I tried to get up but couldn't, I felt so weak.  
  
I heard the door open and glanced up to see a very tired, tormented looking Duo. I looked away quickly so he wouldn't see the tears streaking down my face. I tried to stop myself but only succeeded in making me sob harder. My ears felt hollow. I felt warm arms around me, Duo was talking but I couldn't hear him. His tone was soothing though. I said something but I didn't mean to say it. What was it?  
  
Duo helped me up and guided me back to my room. He stayed with me.  
  
I soon fell asleep  
  
  
The sun invaded my eyes painfully. I closed my eyes tightly trying to remember my dream. I know I liked it. I soon gave up. It was no use.  
  
I got up and walked to the bathroom.  
  
I looked at myself in the mirror. Unsurprisingly my eyes were bloodshot and I was sickly pale, my hair was in complete disarray. I turned on the tap and watched it run for about 10 minutes be fore deciding to brush my teeth. After that littler task was done I washed my face. I glanced at the mirror again, raking a hand through my hair returning it to its normal state.   
  
I sat on my bed and looked at the videotapes sitting beside my VCR I went over and picked one up and popped it into my VCR.  
  
Suddenly an image jumped onto the screen, a very close up view of Duo's face.  
  
"Hey..." I sounded as I recognized the tape.   
  
It was of Wufei's Birthday party. I watched the tape intently.  
  
"Wu-chan is old!" Shouted Duo on the tape.  
  
"Kisama" replied Wufei "Baka! Your Birthday's before mine so you older!"  
  
"Yeah well I'm old too!" retorted Duo "Plus, I don't even know if it's my real birthday!"  
  
"Hey Sally, come sing with us!" chorused 4 other girls. The group consisted of Catherine, Dorothy, Relena, Hilde, and now Sally.   
  
The next 20 minutes of the tape was of them singing.  
  
The next part of the tape was of Catherine carrying around the camcorder to everyone telling them to say something to Wufei. I smiled at a few remarks. After Milldardo, Lady Une, Noin, and a few of the girls, came Marimaia. . I think she was about 10 and 1/2 there. Duo leaned over and whispered something in her ear she smiled devilishly.   
  
"WuWu is old!" Giggled Marimaia with amusement in her eyes. She stretched the word 'old' out as long as possible.  
  
I looked away for a moment but my head snapped back as I heard a sweet voice. Quatre.  
  
"Happy Birthday Wufei! Duo and Marimaia are right you are old don't forget my Birthdays next month! Well Ja! Oh yeah don't forget about birthday bumps!"  
  
I let out a small laugh. Followed closely by a lone tear.  
  
"Birthday bumps!" yelled Duo from the background.  
  
I dived at the VCR I couldn't watch anymore I might breakdown again.  
  
I have to talk to Duo.  
  
  
Did he get up already that's strange he usually sleeps till 1 pm.  
  
I walked out of Duo's room to go down stairs.  
  
I heard talking in the living room, Duo and Heero. I leaned of the wall and waited till Heero walked out. I debated whether to talk to Duo now or later. I've never been good with my emotions. I walked in.  
  
"Come with me for a walk later" I said to the braided pilot who tried to look cheerful.  
  
Later.  
  
I'll talk to him later on the walk.  
  
I walked back to my room, and tried to read a book. I realized I had been reading the same page over and over for about an hour.  
  
I got up.  
  
I pressed play on the VCR  
  
  
I looked at the clock and remembered the walk. Damn. I had watched all the tapes for a long time apparently. The clock read 10 pm. I walked over to my closet and pulled out a gun. I placed it in my jacket pocket.  
  
I walked to Duo's room.   
  
"Duo, are you ready?" I inquired  
  
Duo jumped "Yeah I'm ready"  
  
It appeared I scared him. Quatre would have loved that.  
  
Duo looked in bad shape.  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"I don't know" I replied  
  
  
I let my feet lead me wherever they wanted to take Duo and me. With every step thoughts of Quatre, sweet angelic, Quatre swarmed my head.   
  
"Man, we've been walking for over an hour," complained Duo.  
  
"It's been 20 minutes" I said through clenched teeth, annoyed that my thoughts were interrupted.  
  
"Yeah, well-" Duo began a retort "Whoa!"  
  
What happened? Then I realized we were in the cemetery. The same cemetery Quatre was buried in.  
  
I wanted to stop but my feet willed me on. I soon stood in front of Quatre's grave. 'Grave' such a cold word.   
  
I looked at Duo and was surprised to see an extreme amount of pain etched on his face. I was even more surprised to a gun in his hand. I understood immediately. I took out my own gun.  
  
I looked up at the bright stars on the velvet black sky. They were blue. Quatre's eyes.  
  
"A part of me wants to stay," I whispered.  
  
"A part of us will always stay" said Duo in a comforting tone.  
  
I simply nodded, I couldn't think of a response.   
  
I glanced at the headstone then the stars. I raised a piece of metal capable of killing to my allies head, no my friends head.  
  
I felt a chill go down my spine as another killing machine touched my temple.  
  
"Yurushite Kureru Quatre, Honto ni Ai Shiteru" I murmured.   
  
I let a tear fall as I finally remembered my dream from the night before. Well a part of it. I was kissed by an angel with blonde hair and blue eyes.  
  
I felt a finger on my cheek as Duo wiped away the tear.  
  
"Boy's Don't Cry" Duo said gently  
  
A bitter smile tugged at my lips.  
  
"Boy's Don't Cry"  
  
I closed my eyes as I pulled the trigger.  
  
I heard Duo's shot but didn't feel any pain.  
  
I suppose it didn't matter.  
  
~*Owari*~  
  
  
  
So what do you think? Oh yeah in case you wondering 'Yurushite Kureru Quatre, Honto ni Ai Shiteru' means, it means 'Please forgive me Quatre, Truly I Love you'. Shall I do a another sequel? From Heero's POV or Wufei's POV? Or shall I do an epilogue?  



End file.
